somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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