Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
