Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
