if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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