i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
