don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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