everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
