I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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