He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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