dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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