I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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