So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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