take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
