if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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