walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
