I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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