I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I love black thongs
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize