is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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