There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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