first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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