3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
