so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
