Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
