That's intense
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
