ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
