Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
