he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize