so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I faked an abortion last night.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
