I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
