Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
