Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
