Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
