He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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