god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
