Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she smelled like a LAN party
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
