im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
