the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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