New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We have started to decorate penises.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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