please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
