This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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