you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
