Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
