the condom got lost in my hair
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
