Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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