and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
