so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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