I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
