I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
