Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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