I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
