i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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