that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
