hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
