I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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