tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
