Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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