so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
