he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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