you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
