There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
