Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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