I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
