you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
