some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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