sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize